Amidst all the hullabaloo of filling up the forms of different colleges and MBA entrance exams, I have witnessed a number of unexpected incidents recently.
Few days back, an incident at a petrol pump questioned my attitude of resolving issues through kindness. Ultimately, the purpose was solved though but it made me think deeply about my way towards it. I am planning to narrate that story in my next blog post.
The next two incidents were too petty to be forgotten and too personal to be vented out here. I confess that I still have the hangover of both of them and they also managed to shake me a bit from my normal euphoric attitude. Also, one more fact I have noticed is that few of my friends have started taking me as a person who cannot get out of a muddle easily. I should challenge them someday when I am completely out of it again.
Anyway, let me come to the purpose of this blog post, but gradually and as I have planned to. In one more incidence, I was passing by the Shivranjni cross roads where I witnessed traffic havoc and around 20 people had formed a circular wrestling rink for a dada and a young guy to wrestle inside. As I was in an annoyed state of mind, I wanted to thump the young guy for punching the dada. As I tried to make up my mind to hit that guy, some people got the dada out of the wrestling field. I followed the young guy till his car where his wife was waiting for him worriedly alongwith their infant child.
Last morning as I was waiting for the traffic signal at Shyamal, a school boy, riding a bicycle was bestowed with all the major Indian slangs by a ruthless biker who was crossing the way from wrong side. The biker hit the boy who was about to fall and the boy in return gave him a firm look. The biker’s ego was hurt, and abused him as a traffic cop also interjected to take the biker’s side. Being in the annoyed state of mind, I wanted to hit the biker as well as the cop, but ultimately I had to justify to myself, my helplessness towards justice in this case.
When in the annoyed state of mind, I always wish for tit-for-tat. But is it always feasible? Did I feel for these two incidents stridently only because a dada and kids were involved? Shouldn’t kindness be the way out every time? Guess, the annoyed state of mind makes you frustrated and the frustration has to come out somehow, may it be through a direct attack, through resolving issues by violence or through scapegoating. But then, the more sensible approach is always to deal through kindness, atleast according to me; may be except a few situations like the petrol pump story where semi-kindness approach is more apposite (wait for the petrol pump story till my next blog post).
Frustration, or whatever you may call, I have been in this phase for last few days and have been batting hard to overcome it. But towards the path of back-to-normalcy, I have successfully discovered my own ways to combat the numbness.
Numbness, according to my friends, but a-rare-phase according to me, is still keeping me away from my normalcy. I precisely remember the last time when I was in the same rare-phase; it was prior to my last local conference in AIESEC, last year.
While in this phase, I just like to talk work. I can’t participate in random talks, can’t give inputs in the fun sessions, making it obvious for my friends to guess my numbness. I try to overcome it in a subtle way by divulging in some work topic but it often becomes difficult to hide and impossible to justify my numbness to my close friends. They might feel a bit hurt sometimes seeing me in such a phase or seeing that I aint interested in their talks, but believe me, I feel doubly hurt, not because of my being in a rare-phase, but because of my inability to talk to my close buddies nicely and express & convey everything inside me.
I still have to discover and analyze everything that leads me to such a phase. Also, it becomes impossible for me to control my thoughts during such a phase. I sometimes tend to nod to whatever you may be speaking, capture the last word and then wonder how that word came in this talk or just vaguely start wondering over the word! Plug in ear phone in my ears at maximum volume, it won’t digress my continuously wandering mind even for a second.
Anyway, as I have found my ways out of frustration, guess same ways can help me out from my rare-phase too. You have to discover your own way out of that, something that you’re really passionate about can take you through. I can scribble everything that is troubling me and get rid of that odd feeling till an extent, expressing through literature turns me on. Or if you still doubt what is your real passion that can make you sail through, you can find it right away by being in this phase. I have found that small kids (especially mischievous ones) always bring me back to mood and I start playing with them. Screaming out loud on a lonely fly over is also one more simple way of letting all the frustration out with the shout. Also, puking out everything to my very close friends can help; as they say, sharing makes you feel lighter. And fortunately I have a few friends who have unknowingly helped me cruise through this rare phase by lending me a listening ear, which is better than a helping hand in such a situation. Hearty thanks to all those special persons.
Yes, after writing down this, I’m feeling much lighter.
