IN A RARE PHASE

Amidst all the hullabaloo of filling up the forms of different colleges and MBA entrance exams, I have witnessed a number of unexpected incidents recently.

Few days back, an incident at a petrol pump questioned my attitude of resolving issues through kindness. Ultimately, the purpose was solved though but it made me think deeply about my way towards it. I am planning to narrate that story in my next blog post.

The next two incidents were too petty to be forgotten and too personal to be vented out here. I confess that I still have the hangover of both of them and they also managed to shake me a bit from my normal euphoric attitude. Also, one more fact I have noticed is that few of my friends have started taking me as a person who cannot get out of a muddle easily. I should challenge them someday when I am completely out of it again.

Anyway, let me come to the purpose of this blog post, but gradually and as I have planned to. In one more incidence, I was passing by the Shivranjni cross roads where I witnessed traffic havoc and around 20 people had formed a circular wrestling rink for a dada and a young guy to wrestle inside. As I was in an annoyed state of mind, I wanted to thump the young guy for punching the dada. As I tried to make up my mind to hit that guy, some people got the dada out of the wrestling field. I followed the young guy till his car where his wife was waiting for him worriedly alongwith their infant child.

Last morning as I was waiting for the traffic signal at Shyamal, a school boy, riding a bicycle was bestowed with all the major Indian slangs by a ruthless biker who was crossing the way from wrong side. The biker hit the boy who was about to fall and the boy in return gave him a firm look. The biker’s ego was hurt, and abused him as a traffic cop also interjected to take the biker’s side. Being in the annoyed state of mind, I wanted to hit the biker as well as the cop, but ultimately I had to justify to myself, my helplessness towards justice in this case.

When in the annoyed state of mind, I always wish for tit-for-tat. But is it always feasible? Did I feel for these two incidents stridently only because a dada and kids were involved? Shouldn’t kindness be the way out every time? Guess, the annoyed state of mind makes you frustrated and the frustration has to come out somehow, may it be through a direct attack, through resolving issues by violence or through scapegoating. But then, the more sensible approach is always to deal through kindness, atleast according to me; may be except a few situations like the petrol pump story where semi-kindness approach is more apposite (wait for the petrol pump story till my next blog post).

Frustration, or whatever you may call, I have been in this phase for last few days and have been batting hard to overcome it. But towards the path of back-to-normalcy, I have successfully discovered my own ways to combat the numbness.

Numbness, according to my friends, but a-rare-phase according to me, is still keeping me away from my normalcy. I precisely remember the last time when I was in the same rare-phase; it was prior to my last local conference in AIESEC, last year.

While in this phase, I just like to talk work. I can’t participate in random talks, can’t give inputs in the fun sessions, making it obvious for my friends to guess my numbness. I try to overcome it in a subtle way by divulging in some work topic but it often becomes difficult to hide and impossible to justify my numbness to my close friends. They might feel a bit hurt sometimes seeing me in such a phase or seeing that I aint interested in their talks, but believe me, I feel doubly hurt, not because of my being in a rare-phase, but because of my inability to talk to my close buddies nicely and express & convey everything inside me.

I still have to discover and analyze everything that leads me to such a phase. Also, it becomes impossible for me to control my thoughts during such a phase. I sometimes tend to nod to whatever you may be speaking, capture the last word and then wonder how that word came in this talk or just vaguely start wondering over the word! Plug in ear phone in my ears at maximum volume, it won’t digress my continuously wandering mind even for a second.

Anyway, as I have found my ways out of frustration, guess same ways can help me out from my rare-phase too. You have to discover your own way out of that, something that you’re really passionate about can take you through. I can scribble everything that is troubling me and get rid of that odd feeling till an extent, expressing through literature turns me on. Or if you still doubt what is your real passion that can make you sail through, you can find it right away by being in this phase. I have found that small kids (especially mischievous ones) always bring me back to mood and I start playing with them. Screaming out loud on a lonely fly over is also one more simple way of letting all the frustration out with the shout. Also, puking out everything to my very close friends can help; as they say, sharing makes you feel lighter. And fortunately I have a few friends who have unknowingly helped me cruise through this rare phase by lending me a listening ear, which is better than a helping hand in such a situation. Hearty thanks to all those special persons.

Yes, after writing down this, I’m feeling much lighter.

My way towards Leadership & Team Building

“Qualities, not experience, make you a leader”

But experience of a leadership position sharpens the leader within you. Having had the leadership experience at many different positions and posts in AIESEC, YUVA and College; I’ve constantly improved as a leader & still hoping to improve a lot. Hereby, I just wish to share my way towards leadership and all the aspects that I consider in the process of team building.

PS:

• You can relate yourself with the following points. Leave a comment if you disagree with some points, have some more ideas or have some better way out.

• If you have been my team member anytime, I guess you should have a good time self-analyzing your role in my team.

• The following points are purely based upon my experience & I do not say that it should be the ideal way for you too.

While building a new team or reviving a non-functional team, I always work upon the following points:

• There should be atleast one person in the team who is as much dedicated to the team and the project as much as the team leader. He’ll be having an equal ownership towards the issue that you’re working for and he’ll be the one who will never let the project suffer in case of the leader’s sudden unavailability.

• There should be atleast one/two (depending upon the project) person(s) who are your blind followers. They’ll not refuse to any task you assign to them and will support you in everything. These people can be your close friends or mentees.

• There should be atleast two persons who can work as smartly as you. They can be guys with a sense of responsibility or guys who are your successful mentees. They’ll be the senior most guys of the team. Remember, junior team members always indirectly follow the senior ones. If the senior members are inactive, junior members won’t get a good inspiration to work, except they are self-motivated. These senior members will be the constant source of motivation for the new members.

• There should be a person who is very innovative and comes up with brilliant ideas every time.

• There should be one/two person(s) who cannot work smart, but are real hard workers. They’ll not be able to think beyond normalcy or innovate the task, but they will slog themselves & get the work done. Their goal is only to execute the task assigned to them.

• There should be one guy who has the capability of motivating other members indirectly. This guy could be someone from the seniors. This motivation mostly happens one to one. When people get constant motivation & appreciation from the leader as well as the senior members, they’ll devote everything to the project. Motivation and appreciation are the keys.

• There should be two/three persons who have leadership qualities. These guys can be provided with 2-3 members each & internal teams can be formed for separate tasks. This solves purposes like, ‘nurturing leaders’, ‘distributing work based upon competencies’, ‘efficient work distribution’. These leaders will also start having a sense of ownership towards their internal team.

• All the members should be made aware about their purpose of being in the team. The leader should make sure that any member does not develop a feeling that his not being in the team does not make any difference.

• The leader should discuss the time lines and limits with the team and should keep a check upon the same.

• The leader should constantly remind his team mates, the objective and the ultimate goal of the team. If everyone has their goals aligned, it would lessen internal conflicts. The primary nature of a predicament is simply out of in-congruency between the goals.

• The leader should maintain a perfect balance between his personal and professional life.

• The leader should find the ideal way out in case of internal conflicts or dissatisfaction amongst members. Sometimes, he should wisely act in a political way and he also might have to take strong decisions. One to one counseling for solving the matter is preferred as it makes the members involved feel important.

• By some ice-breakers or team outings, the leader should see that all the members are befriended with each other. This will boost the team unity.

• Instead of using, “We have to do this”, a leader should first convince the team in a subtle way about his theory and then frame it to ask, “So, do you think we should go ahead with this?” Instead of using, “You have to do this”, he should use “Let’s do it.”

• Also, all the well-performing members should be appreciated by apt rewards & recognition system. Also, a good leader will always hype his team so that the members feel a sense of pride in representing his team. These things again make the members of your team feel special than those of other teams.

• Finally, out of all the members, the leader should identify one person whom he keeps on grooming constantly as the next potential leader. But it should be done in a way that it does not lead to discontentment or hamper the team. Remember, the team running successfully even when the next leader has taken over, defines your success. “It is not about what you create for yourself, it is what you leave behind that defines success.”

I always believe that by being a leader, you are carrying a brand. Everything positive increases your brand image and anything negative, decreases it suddenly. Its upto you how effectively you can establish yourself as a brand. People will always want to be a part of your team if you’ve always carried your brand successfully.

“The achievement of a leader exposes him,

The success of his TEAM introduces him”

-Hardeep Pathak

“Management is doing things right whereas leadership is doing the right things” –Peter Drucker

Happy Father's Day, Part 2

Thank You Pa

After a not-so-great Independence Day & after two days of my being home alone, mom-dad-bro came back at midnight, 17^th August, which happens to be my dad’s 55^th birthday.

Usually, I get cakes & gifts and throw a surprise at the midnight itself for every family member. Unfortunately, I forgot my dad’s birthday this time. Mom reminded, I wished and slept off cursing myself.

Now, 17^th August happened to be a really hectic day for me. Meeting CEO of JAM Magazine in the morning, lunch at IIM-A, meeting VC in the noon, dean of CEPT & followed by a big press conference for the JOY OF GIVING WEEK. Late evening, had to attend an urgent core team meet of YUVA & a meeting with a special person, who was leaving Ahmedabad the next day was scheduled after that. Good Gods, how could I forget my dad the whole day? How could I miss a family dinner too with grandparents?

Unfortunately, this realization came to me only while I was returning home at around 10 pm. Driving at a speed of 40 km/hr near Ambawadi with Helmet on the head and the helmet glass covering half my face, cool breeze was shearing the glass & slapping my face as if I was a convict, making me feel guilty.

I thought about my birthdays, when my dad would manage a special treat, bestow me with some fundoo gifts and make me feel really special. I did not do even a bit of any such thing for him. I was wondering how dry I made his day, and obviously my big brother would never believe in ‘showing emotions by making someone feel special’ theory. My dad, even for a second, would have felt that “My children do not have time to celebrate my birthday now.”

I was trying to take a left turn from Shivranjni cross roads without showing the signal. Driving like a paralyzed-man; thoughts governed my whole body and hands merely played with the steering. Another bike passed across almost knocking me down, I realized I was on the road and so I started driving normally but the constant slaps on my heart by the cool breeze made me realize the worth of my dad. The guilt feeling pierced directly into my heart and heaved out all the tears from within.

I stopped by a shop and got the most eccentric gift for my dad, a BOURNVILLE. As they say in the ad, ‘you have to earn it’; I thought my dad had really earned it, making me realize my mistake and his worth too.

I reached home, parked my bike, wiped out my face, went in and called dad outside in the compound as I had pre-decided. I did not want to create a ruckus in presence of mom and big brother. Dad came out, I wanted to talk to him and explain to him. It is not very often that I have fallen short of words when it is really necessary to speak. Being unable to utter a single word, I just started crying like a baby and hugged him tight. What a relief that was! I couldn’t remember the last time I had hugged him, but I felt as if it did not matter, as if I was doing the perfect thing in the world at that time, as if no one else mattered to me for that instance, as if I was completely tension-free and care-free. I never ever in my life felt so light hearted.

They correctly say: speaking is not as much effective many a times. Believe me, it was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had in my life. Try it out, if you haven’t till now.

They correctly say: emotions drive us many a times.

Happy Father's Day

Thank You Pa

During my higher secondary studies, I had become kind of dull, had transitioned from a geek to a dreary student. I still vividly remember an incident in 12^th Grade that amplified my respect and love towards my dad.

I had my preliminary exam of PHYSICS and I was completely unprepared, was cent percent sure of failing and that too badly. So, alongwith my cousin, I made a plan to escape the exam. According to the plan, we went late and as we were nearing the office of the Father (Principal), I fainted radically. Father was shocked too, woke me up, made me sit in his office, ordered some medicines for me and called for my dad as I was faking it accurately.

My dad arrived and took me back. On the way, he just told me, “Son, do you remember the story of that thief who started with stealing a pencil and then was transformed into a big thief who was finally hanged to death?” I was wondering what he wanted to sketch from that story. I got angry at the thought that he was comparing me with him.

“Every major action has a root to a minor act in the past history. Just remember one advice, ‘you will never be what you want to be if you bluff and you don’t have control over your mind and heart.’ I don’t want to comment anything on today’s incident but I want to make this day, the biggest learning of your life, and for that I am glad that you bluffed to me. The key is, never deceive your parents, you will be allowed and given everything but from now onwards promise me that all the things you do will be the ones which you can share with me, because you are my smaller fraction and I can very well envisage where you are heading and what you are saying.”

I was completely shocked by that and couldn’t speak anything more than, “I’m sorry, pa” but that incident was indeed the biggest learning of my life and from that day my dad became my best friend too. And during the Father’s Day, this is the incident that comes to my mind about my dad. Thank You dad for always understanding me and always being to me a perfect dad.

Trivial Acts with Vital Impact

Trivial Acts with Vital Impact

11^th grade, I was in, just 16 years of age when I had got my first two-wheeler. In enthusiasm, we, four friends, went for a late night ride. And the petrol in my friend’s vehicle got over. Having no other option, I pushed his vehicle through mine (leg-pushing). It was hard for the first mile, but then I found myself comfortable at it. The next day, found a stranger pushing his petrol-less bike and I could not resist flaunting my newly learned skill. This work kept on giving me more and more opportunities to help others and when I did something of this sort, my day went great; I noticed a different kind of internal confidence that day. So carrying the same forward, till now I have pushed around 1500-2000 petrol-less bikes till the petrol station. And I am really glad that this thing which occurred to me in my teenage years has become a passion for me nowadays. This was the time which made me realize my purpose of life and helped me figure out my lifetime interest.

“Your interest will always start showcasing itself right from your childhood. It is just with TIME that you will know your lifetime interest”

At the age of 18, one more small little incident changed my perspective towards life. One fine summer afternoon, we, six friends were planning to do some random acts of kindness.

The watchman nearby was listening to our conversation. He called me and said that he wanted some book for his son studying in 6^th semester, Mechanical Engineering. I promised him to find the book within 3 days, had a small talk and moved on.

On the other side, we met a small beggar kid. We brought for him an ice-cream, food, cleaned him with water and played with him.

Now, I had forgotten my cap near the watchman, Mahendra Kaka. I went back there and had a long chat.

Mahendra Kaka was going on talking like I was his son and like no one ever lends him a helping hand and more importantly a listening ear. I heard his whole life story-cum-agony. I gave him a jaadu ki jhappi (Magical Hug) and calmed him. Meanwhile, a handicapped guy opposite to us asked Mahendra Kaka to bring him a glass of water. Mahendra Kaka literally ran to get water for him. He was back with tears in his eyes and just hugged me saying, “I know that you have been sent by Lord Swaminarayan, though it does not matter which religion you follow.”

As I was trying to calm him, one more guy approached him and asked for some address, Kaka was more than happy to treat him with warmth and explain the exact address. But these were the words that touched my heart, “Beta, see to it that you don’t catch heat while you walk to that place; walk in shades.” Kaka was so generous to complete strangers too.

I touched his feet, completely impressed, “Kaka, you just proved yourself wrong that the Lord has sent me to you. I am nothing compared to you. It’s you who has been sent by the God to serve people like this; to spread smile, even after standing in the scorching heat for the whole day. When you make others happy, God will make sure that your life is filled with joy. You have really inspired me a lot by your acts. But there is one more thing I wish you can do to oblige me.”

“I am ready to do that son, even if you ask me to climb these four floors four times with my damaged leg”, said Kaka.

“Kaka, you have to quit your habit of chewing tobacco.” And at the same moment, he threw away the packets of tobacco in his pocket and said, “I take an oath that I should die if I touch this tobacco again.”

I was just thinking that what a great kindness preacher Kaka could be. I just managed a big smile with wet eyes, and hugged him while he completely burst out with tears.

I somehow managed to make him smile and promised to visit him the next day. Kaka taught me how to be calm and composed everytime and smile to everyone, leaving aside agonies, no matter in what situation we are.

I took the blessings of Kaka and invited him for a lunch with all of us.

“Beta, I want to do something like you. I was watching you from far when you helped that little kid. I cannot contribute money as of now but the day both of my sons get settled, I promise that I will distribute 50 kg ‘Khichdi’ (a Gujarati dish) to all those who dwell in streets”, were Kaka’s final words.

With a big smile and blush on mine as well as Kaka’s face, I went back home on my bike, but this time, silently smiling throughout my way.

“Being Kind is just not enough when you can make people kinder”- Mahendra Kaka.

And since then, whenever I go for any random acts of kindness, Kaka’s advice always keeps on echoing in my soul.

One more recent incident I would like to incite is a kindness act done to me by a teenage kid. I go to Visamo Kids foundation, a foster home for underprivileged kids, every Sunday to teach those kids and play with them.

One Sunday evening, Sanjay, an 8^th std. dyslexic student showed me his 5 feet long, working model of car that he had prepared from waste. I was so amazed that I brought media houses to cover his story and he was in the top news.

The Sunday after that happened to be our last Sunday with the kids before a long vacation. We were supposed to take them out for a holiday and when I went there, everyone was ready except Sanjay, who was painting something on a wooden piece. When he didn’t move even when I asked him to get ready, I got angry on him. He hastily finished the painting and made us all late for the outing. I guess he found out from my gestures, that I was annoyed with him. I even made him understand not to waste other’s time. He just silently listened.

When we were back and I was bidding them final goodbye, he asked me to wait for few seconds. When he came back, I could trace something hidden in the back of his hands.

He politely said with a big smile, “Bhaiya, I am really sorry that I annoyed you but as this was your last day with us, I did not have any option but to finish the painting today itself. Please accept this very small gift from me.” And handed me the beautiful painting in the wooden piece.

I was speechless, couldn’t say anything, but my eyes spoke and I was glad that I was wearing glares that particular day.

Some gifts are not just gifts; they are lifetime moments, memories and incidents that touch your heart and dwell there forever in the deepest possible corner of the sensitive organ.